Tuesday, May 31, 2005 - have you.... : ...ever had the experience of letting something go, and in doing so lose control over anything and everything that surrounds the latter? well if you haven't then let me tell you that it's not pleasant at all. imagine letting go of something you so truly love to do, only to realise that later on, the things that came along with it will disappear too? and especially when that thing you've just let go off is something which is a big part of your life? hai. i know i know. you reading this must be thinking if i've gone bonkers.

i miss the thing that i let go. that i gave up under a greater calling. and sometimes i wonder what does that greater calling have in store for me. sure, i have faith that what i have given up will not be returned with nothingness, rather with even greater beauty, but sometimes i wonder how long more. NS, then uni (if i ever get there by His will). and in letting go, there's this yawning pit in my life. i try to fill it with what i am suppose to fill it with, but i can't seem to do so. instead of reprieve, i find myself fighting back even harder against the things that cannot wait to see my fall, to gloat over my stumblings, to sneer over my mistakes. but i know that He is faithful. santification? mayhaps...

well, to the layman, i'm just babbling nonsense here. but to my brothers and sisters in Him, well, you know exactly what im talking about...

C.K blogged at 7:29 AM