Monday, July 31, 2006 - r e m i n i s i n g m o m e n t s o f n o s t a l g i a : Rapture is coming this friday!!!!

:D :D :D :D :D

i have been waiting for a loooong time for this year's concert. for the less informed, Rapture is SAJC's annual dance concert.

truth be told, i almost missed this year's concert. and my, how my world seemed to grow less warm and suddenly so forbiding, almost to the point where i teetered on the edge of insanity only to be matched by a sense of interminable dread that my world was coming to an abrupt and violent end.

ok maybe it wasn't that bad but what the heck.

I miss dance.

yes i miss it with every fiber of my being.

i miss it so much that whenever i see others strutting their stuff on stage or just practicing their steps, i feel like sneaking up behind them and tearing off their skins, only to jump right in it and assume their place and dance like there's no tommorow or day after.

it's really hard, to know that i probably will never dance again.

in part due to the fact that i scarcely have the time, and mostly due to the fact that i made the choice to walk away from secular dance for God.

and until today, it really hurts knowing that ill never come back to the art that i once never had an inkling of passion for.

the amazing irony is that this love for dance was only born when i joined dance in jc. and i never even thought of dance as an art form back then; quite the irony, given my background in drama.

i can still remember that i left dance on acrimonous grounds. in one move on my part, i set the entire dance society against me. and probably left my name in the Hall of Supreme and Unredeemable Infamy. i think i was the first on that list ;p

and from the looks of it, ill never again be welcomed into dance. in fact i never was when i joined it. it all started alright, until a certain individual decided to spread rumours and stab me in the back, but im fine with that.

ever since then, every practice session was as if i was practicing alone. but i never did mind that, because i felt God was my comforter and He was all i needed. and He still is. nevertheless, my greatest regret was the fact that i never did and never will experience that amazing and indomitable bond that SAJC dancers shared.

that sense of friendship that only army camaraderie can rival. wow.

looking back, i really cannot help but wonder what might have happened if i hadn't chose to leave dance and disobeyed God. I wonder how much would have changed if i chose to perform in Rapture 2005. not very much i would think, but that is the question, you see; how much?

but God is good and His grace is sufficient for me. though even today my heart desperately wants to dance, i want to dance a dance that glorifies God, not the world. So im praying that i won't fall back into something that i tried so hard and gave so much to get out of.

im still praying.

C.K blogged at 7:07 AM